


Timeless Awaiting

by MidgardianNerd



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Phux, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 02:58:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16526006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd
Summary: Poe living the worst night of his life five years ago bring him to this rightful moment.





	Timeless Awaiting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/gifts).



> For my dear Idril who needed some comfort.
> 
> Everything is shit. The title is shit. Big parts of the story are shit. The summary is shit. But I had fun writing it. 
> 
> PS: It's almost 5 in the morning in France so sorry for the mistakes, I will maybe edit tomorrow.

Poe was running in the crowded streets, trying to not bump in the couples sharing kisses, friends already drunk with their arms around each other’s shoulders singing loudly or children on their father’s shoulders. Everybody was happy, laughing and ready to celebrate the new year coming in less than one hour. They were all with a loving one and Poe should be too if his damn boss didn’t delay his departure for Phasma’s party as most as he could. 

Poe grumbled when a little girl ran into his legs and almost made him falling on the ground. It wasn’t the fault of the kid and he did everything in his control to not wreck up her new year's eve celebration. But it was almost midnight and Poe promised to himself that this year would be  _ the year.  _ He knew it was ridiculous. Especially to have kept up with this fucking idea for the last three years at least. But since the night of the 31st December five years ago, Poe was forced to admit that his life has changed without he realized it and now, he wanted the whole fucking package, with  _ him _ . 

 

* * *

 

It began five years ago. It was New Year’s Eve Celebration and Poe was invited to a party of his boyfriend’s colleague. Even if things had been rough between them for the last eight months, Poe hoped that this new year would bring a new start for Anton and he. Anton was beautiful and charming and funny. He has been Poe’s boyfriend for the last six years, through high school and university and Poe was so damn sure that he was the love of his life and both of them would end their life together. Poe knew they could get over this hard phase. Maybe he needed to make more efforts. Working less, passing less time with his friends and more with Anton. Poe knew they could do it.

Or at least, he believed it. Until he saw Anton kissing a gorgeous red-haired woman in the kitchen of their host, hours before midnight rang. Poe wasn’t the kind of people to make a scene in the middle of public space and even if he was, he would have been unable because he just froze. And when Anton looked up and saw him, there was no regret in his eyes, even maybe a spark of victory and Poe’s heart finally broke. 

The young man left the kitchen without a word and Anton didn’t even try to come after him, like Poe was nothing to him, like these last six years were nothing. Poe left before they could see his tears and his steps lead him far away from the crow, the noises and the happiness of people celebrating inside. The cold air on his face snatched him out of his fuzzy state and in few seconds, the tears were rolling down on his cheeks and Poe didn’t hold back his sobs. There was nobody there and especially nobody he knew. If people would see him, they would probably think he was too drunk. Poe’s hands were grabbing the fence of the balcony and he poured his pain out. 

 

“Oh! Uhm!” said someone behind him and Poe turned around. 

 

There was another man of the balcony. He was probably sitting in the dark corner when Poe stepped in and that was why he didn’t see him before. Poe looked at him through his tears. The man was tall and hunching awkwardly like Poe was a wild animal and he was trying to not afraid him. 

 

“Should I let you alone?” asked the man, an awkward wince on his weirdly attractive face and Poe felt his body warming softly at the concern for him written all over this face he didn’t know. 

“Probably.” sobbed Poe, curling up on himself. 

“Or probably not.” answered the man, offering a shy smile to Poe and he walked to him. 

 

When the man was finally close to him, Poe had to stretch his neck up to be able to see him and the man gave him a sheepish smile, shifting awkwardly on his feet. Poe looked away, feeling ashamed.

 

“You don’t have to stay. You have probably better things to do inside.” whispered Poe. “I’m not worth your time.” he added, his voice barely audible. 

 

The man leant on the fence next to Poe and the young man looked at these strong hands playing with the cigarette burning between his long fingers. Weirdly, the soothing move was making Poe’s heart going quieter and he felt relieved. Without even realizing it, Poe leant towards the man, relying on the man’s strange calm when his own mind was exploding with too many overwhelming emotions. 

 

“Not really.” chuckled the man and when Poe looked up, the other man looked terrified of his own reaction. “I’m so sorry!” he blurted out. “You’re not probably in the mood for some weird humor.” winced the man and Poe couldn’t help to chuckle in return, charmed by the awkward man front of him. 

“That’s okay.” whispered Poe and both men shared a shy smile. “I’m sorry I’m fucking up your evening.” said Poe. 

“Don’t.” said the man. “You’re actually saving me.” he added with a mischievous smile and Poe felt a little bit dumbstruck at how beautiful the man looked at this right moment with his full lips and too long nose and warm eyes. 

“Really?” asked Poe. “I don’t really look like a knight in shiny armor here.” said Poe, throwing a depreciative hand to his own face. 

“I was hiding from my best friend.” whispered the man, like it was a secret.

“Why?” asked Poe, relieved to have his mind focusing on something else than the sadness and the pain and the utter betrayal he lived in the last ten minutes. 

“She is the one organizing the party.” said the other man. “And she wants me to  _ socializing.”  _ he added, bored and Poe chuckled again, almost more than he did in the last eight months. 

“Well! There is only me.” breathed out Poe. 

“I’m not complaining.” answered the man with a wink before hopping on the fence like there weren’t three floors between himself and the ground. 

 

The other man took a drag from his cigarette before letting the thing hanging between his lips, offering his hand to Poe with a soft smile. 

 

“I’m Kylo, by the way.” 

“Poe.” 

“Poe.” whispered back Kylo, like tasting the name on his lips. “Good name.” he added with a cunning smile before taking another drag. 

“Kylo isn’t bad either.” offered Poe, shyly. 

“Make me sound like a rockstar.” crooned the other man and Poe couldn’t help to laugh.

“It explains the whole black look.” teased Poe and Kylo offered him a grin. 

“I’m weird-looking.” said Kylo, shrugging. “That’s the only thing fitting me and not making me look like an idiot.”

“I think you look great.” said shyly Poe and Kylo blushed softly. 

“Thank you.” answered shyly Kylo. “You look great too. Even with red nose and puffy eyes.” he added with a wince and Poe bit down his lips, trying to hold back a sob, remembering what pushed him on this balcony. 

 

Poe looked away, not wanting to make things weird when Kylo was only showing him kindness since the beginning. He heard Kylo stepping down from the fence. 

 

“No no no no no no! Please. Don’t cry.” pleaded Kylo and Poe tried really hard to stop to cry but he couldn’t. 

 

He heard Kylo cursing himself and he wanted to tell him that he wasn’t the one to blame when he felt two bigs arms engulfing him in a weird embrace. Poe went stiff for a second. 

 

“What are you doing?” he whispered, looking up to Kylo who looked even more uncomfortable than himself. 

“I don’t know.” whispered back the other man. “It works in movies.” he added and Poe felt himself chuckling, relaxing into the embrace of this kind stranger. 

 

After long minutes of awkwardness, both of them seemed to relax in this strange hug and Poe felt himself cuddling against this strong chest. After two more minutes, he slid his arms around Kylo’s waist and it felt warmth and comfortable and familiar. And Poe cherished it. 

 

“I’m sorry to be such a bother but...could you...could you put out your cigarette?” whispered shyly Poe.

“Oh! Sure.” mumbled Kylo before crushing it in the flower pot front of them.

“You will kill these poor flowers.” claimed Poe, slightly outraged. 

“I can’t kill them more than Phasma does.” smirked back Kylo and Poe chuckled. 

“That’s her? Your best friend?” asked Poe and Kylo dramatically sighed.

“Yes. Sounds more like my mother some days.” answered the man, an amused smile on his lips.

“I should call mine.” whispered Poe, putting back his ear against Kylo’s chest. “I need someone to pick me up from here.” he added while searching through his pockets for his phone. 

 

When he realized he didn’t have it, Poe began to shake, realizing that his phone was in his coat, inside. And going inside meant or crossing Anton’s path or seeing him again with his tongue inside this woman’s throat. Poe couldn’t do that. Kylo probably felt his distress because he tightened his embrace around him and Poe clenched on his black jumper, feeling horrible to being so greedy with this stranger’s kindness and comfort. 

 

“Take mine!” whispered Kylo before giving his phone to Poe. 

Poe nodded to thank him before dialing Jessika’s phone number quickly. When he felt Kylo stepping back to let him some intimacy, Poe reacted by grabbing his arm, asking him with a look to stay here and the young man nodded before sliding back his arms around Poe’s small frame. 

 

“Jess!” sighed Poe when he heard the voice of his best friend. “I...I...I need you to pick me up at the party.” sobbed the young man and he could heard his friend going frantic in his ear. “No! I’m fine...for the moment. I...Something happened.” cried Poe. “Anton is… I don’t want to see him now.” whispered Poe and he felt Kylo shifting awkwardly against him but for the moment, he was the only reason Poe was breaking down in tears. “Could you come? Please!” pleaded the young man. “Thank you.” he whispered before ending the call. 

 

With a contrice look, Poe gave back to Kylo his phone before looking away. 

 

“Is Anton the reason you cry?” whispered shyly Kylo and Poe nodded softly. “What happened?” asked softly Kylo. 

“He cheated on me.” mumbled Poe, looking away, ashamed. 

 

He felt the arms around him tightening and when he looked up, Kylo’s eyes were dark, piercing through Poe’s face while his whole body was shaking with anger. Poe felt a little bit disturbed to see such a strong reaction when they barely knew each other but it made him realize that maybe he wasn’t the one to blame in this whole story. Maybe Anton was really the one who fucked up their relationship. Maybe...maybe Poe deserved better. With someone taking care of him, making sure that he was always happy, making him smiling, someone to banter with. 

 

“Do you want me to kick his arse?” grumbled Kylo and Poe could hear that he was serious. And for a second, he truly thought about it. No doubt in his mind that with his muscular body, Kylo could really give a lesson to Anton. But it would imply for Kylo to leave the balcony for a moment and right now, Poe didn’t want to let him go. 

“I’m supposed to be the Knight in shiny armor here.” answered Poe with a depreciative smile.

“You’re a shitty Knight by the way.” smirked Kylo and Poe punched his chest. “Ouch!”

“I suppose you’re right!” sighed Poe. “I’m shitty at a lot of things.” he added, looking away.

“Hey!” whispered Kylo, taking Poe’s chin his hand. “I’m sorry. My weird humor is shittier than probably all the things you think you’re shitty at but isn’t really. Blame my father for that.” grumbled the young man and Poe couldn’t help to let a small smile slipping on his lips. “In all the time I knew you, and I know it’s wasn’t that long but still, I was enough for me to see that you’re a great guy.” said Kylo, his warm brown eyes looking deep into Poe’s eyes, and Poe believed him. 

“I was just hoping for the new year to start well.” whispered Poe, his eyes full of tears. 

 

Kylo looked long at him, his eyes caressing Poe’s face and the young man never felt so alive in months. Kylo’s thumb was stroking Poe’s cheekbone and suddenly, a spark in Kylo’s glance appeared. He looked nervous and he licked his lips, bringing Poe’s eyes on it and Poe appreciated for the first time how full this mouth looked. 

 

“I can’t promise you anything for the year.” whispered Kylo, his face leaning towards Poe and the young man got closer to Kylo, attracted to this beautiful face. “But maybe I can help you to have a good start.” he added, his lips so close to Poe’s that they almost brushed against each other. 

 

Poe should have thought longer about it. But he didn’t. It wasn’t even the fact that Anton did have no scrupules to kiss someone else. It was just that Kylo was the most beautiful man Poe saw in his life until now with his dorky face, his awkwardness and his kindness. Poe wanted it. Poe wanted him. Even if only for few seconds. 

 

“Please!” whispered Poe against Kylo’s lips and the man swallowed nervously before kissing him. 

 

It was strange. To kiss someone else for the first time in six years. In fact, to kiss someone else than Anton for the first time in his life. Anton was his first and in this moment, Poe realized how a fool he was to think that Anton could be the only one to make him shiver with a kiss. Kylo’s lips were full and soft and his hands were kindly resting on Poe’s waist. And their kiss stayed chaste but it was good. Really good. When the kiss broke, they both looked slightly out of breath, slightly awkward before Kylo offered a shy smile to Poe. 

 

“Was it good?” asked Kylo, amused. 

“Yeah.” breathed out Poe and instinctively, he took a step closer to kiss him again when a car horn could be heard, making them tearing apart quickly. 

 

Poe looked down in the street and he recognized Jessika’s car waiting for him. Poe was relieved to have her best friend there finally but also so disappointed to have to leave Kylo. 

 

“You should go!” whispered Kylo, giving a small smile to Poe and both men felt a strange sadness to have to say goodbye. 

“Yes.” whispered the young man. 

“Do you need me to help you to get through the exit?” asked Kylo and Poe smiled a last time at Kylo’s kindness. 

“I will be fine.” answered Poe and with some hesitation, he got up on his tiptoes to kiss softly Kylo’s cheek. “Thank you. For everything.” whispered the young man.

“It was pleasure.” mumbled Kylo, blushing but giving still a wink to the other man. 

 

Poe smiled again, but his heart screaming with discomfort. He didn’t want to leave. But he needed to. Anton was still there and Poe couldn’t bear to still be there. He walked towards the exit of the balcony, trying to not look back at Kylo. 

 

“Poe!” called Kylo and the other man turned around. “Good luck for the new year.” added the taller man.

“Thank you.” whispered Poe. “And Kylo!” called Poe. “You should stop to smoke.” he added with a shy small and Kylo was surprised before nodding. 

 

Few minutes later, Poe was outside, walking through Jessika’s car. He looked up one more time at the balcony he was few minutes ago to see Kylo looking at him, a cigarette between his fingers, waving to him with a smirk. Poe shook his head fondly before hopping into the car. He didn’t have time to say a thing before Jessika was engulfing him in a strong hug and Poe cuddled in his best friend’s embrace, enjoying for the second time of the night the feeling of comfort surrounding him. 

They were driving for ten minutes when Jessika took his hand in hers before pointing the clock showing they were finally 1st January. He looked at her friend and she gave him a smile. 

 

“Happy New Year Poe!” said Jessika and Poe pressed her hand in his.

“I think it will be a find year Jess!” smiled Poe, his lips tingling with a beautiful memory and his heart still broken but as much as he could have thought. 

  
  


* * *

 

Frankly, Poe wasn’t expecting to be back here. When he left this same flat, one year ago, he was so sure it would be the last time he would see Kylo and also Phasma and all the people who were Anton’s colleagues. And yet, he was here. 

When Phasma contacted him, two months ago, Poe wondered what she wanted. There weren’t friends and their only link was Anton and Poe was knowing now that he wanted nothing to do anymore with Anton. Not when he was finally free and enjoying the single life. But he accepted to meet her to share a coffee. When she invited her to her party, Poe had the horrible vision of her trying to play the matchmaker to make him going back in Anton’s arms. So he said no. When she reassured him that Anton wasn’t invited, not since she learnt what he did to Poe last year, Poe felt weirdly moved to have a stranger being kind like that to a situation she had nothing to do with. 

Poe wondered for few minutes why she invited him when they were strangers to each other and he was ready to decline another time the invitation when his mind flashed the memory of mischievous eyes and a smirk on pouty lips, memory of hilarious banter and soft kiss. It wasn’t the first time he thought about Kylo in this year so full of changes for him. But it was the first time he had a really chance to see him again. So Poe accepted. And that was why he was at Phasma’s flat on 31st December, trying to spot a tall man with shiny black hair and grumpiness at other people’s joyful behavior. When he saw the window door opened on the balcony, a smile slipped on Poe’s lips and he gladly left the room. 

 

* * *

 

He was there. The same as in his memory. His hair were a little bit longer though and he gave up the total black look for a deep blue jumper. But it was still the man who was so kind to him last year and who showed to Poe that Anton was a cunt. Warmth spread into Poe’s stomach. It was like when he was going back home to Yavin. The certitude to find peace and kindness and warmth. The feeling to be at the right place at the right moment. 

 

“How goes the socialization?” teased Poe and Kylo turned around, an amused smile on his lips. 

“I was waiting for my Knight in shiny armor.” answered the man, leaning on the fence of the balcony and Poe joined him quickly, mirroring his posture. 

“New?” asked Poe, pointing at the moustache and goatee which weren’t there last year. 

“Experimenting shit.” snorted Kylo and Poe laughed, loving that it was like they left each other yesterday. 

“Hence the blue jumper.” smiled Poe.

“I’m in a joyful mood.” smirked back Kylo with a wink and Poe playfully bumped his shoulder into Kylo’s.

 

Their laughs died softly and they admired the view of the city lights from of them for few minutes of silence. 

 

“So? The new year?” asked quietly Kylo, finally looking at Poe. “Was it good?”

“Yeah.” sighed softly Poe. “Lot of changes actually.” 

“I knew my kisses were magical.” grinned the other man and Poe laughed. 

“Sure!” mocked Poe. 

“So?” asked impatiently Kylo. “Entertain me! I have been there for hours with nothing else to do that seeing Hux and Phasma flirting with each other and believe me, that’s a really disturbing thing to experience.”

“Alright.” chuckled Poe. “I broke with him.” breathed out Poe and he saw Kylo nodding with approvement. “I moved with my best friend, Jess. I have a dog now. And also a new job and-”

“Wait! Slow down!” asked Kylo. “There is something important to clear there.” 

“What?” asked Poe, confused.

“How is your dog called?” asked Kylo, looking incredibly serious and Poe felt so amused to see how the tall man could be so serious while saying shit. 

“BB.” answered Poe, a soft smile on his lips.

“Well! Not that important actually.” snorted Kylo and Poe punched his arm. “Ouch!”

“You deserve it.” answered Poe, trying to be serious but too amused by their whole exchange. 

 

Kylo grabbed Poe’s wrist before dragging him against his own chest and Poe swallowed hard when his body shivered, recognizing the strong frame of Kylo and enjoying it. 

 

“That’s the second time you’re hitting me Poe!” whispered Kylo, his nose brushing Poe’s. “How will you ask forgiveness for that?”

“With a kiss?” attempted Poe and he saw Kylo’s eyes becoming darker with desire, his tongue licking his lips when he looked at Poe’s mouth. 

“Sure?” asked Kylo.

“Yes.” whispered Poe. “That’s the tradition.” he added, nervous. 

“Hoping your kiss will give me a good year like mine did for you.” smirked Kylo and he let go Poe’s wrist before taking a step back. 

 

Poe tried to not show his disappointment. He would have gladly spend the night kissing Kylo again and again until midnight. And even after. But the night was still young and Kylo promised him a new kiss. It was just a matter of time now. 

 

“And you?” asked Poe, trying to focus his mind on something else. “Something new?”

 

Kylo smirked before pulling up his sleeve, showing a nicotine patch on his left arm. 

 

“You stopped smoking?” blurted out Poe, surprised. 

“You told me to.” shrugged Kylo. 

“But I’m nobody to you.” said back Poe.

“You were.” pointed Kylo. “But why not giving it a try?” added shyly the man. 

“I’m glad you did.” said Poe after long seconds of awkwardness, putting his hand on the patch. 

 

“I’m glad you came Poe!” admitted Kylo after other minutes of silence.

“I’m glad to be here too!” answered the young man. “Even if I don’t know why Phasma invited me.”

“I asked her to.” said Kylo, looking at Poe and the young man felt breathless front of the raw sincerity in his dark eyes. 

“Really?” asked shyly Poe.

“I...I haven’t a lot of friends. But talking with you last year, it...it felt good.” confessed Kylo, looking down, avoiding Poe’s glance and the young man felt his heart aching with sadness for Kylo. He looked so lonely at this moment and Poe wanted nothing more than to take him in his arms and to tell him he felt the same. 

“Can I be a part of your not a lot of friends?” asked softly Poe, resting his hand on Kylo’s. 

 

The young man looked at him with a strange mix of fear and hope before nodding shyly and Poe smiled, pressing Kylo’s hand in his, loving the sensation of his fingers entwining with his. 

 

The rest of night spent in a blink for Poe. They talked about silly things like their favorites movies, who was better between Al Pacino and Robert De Niro in  _ The Godfather: Part II _ and then in  _ Heat, _ what was the most disgusting thing that they were secretly loving. They talked like small boys in the schoolyard, learning to know each other. They talked like two old friends who were seeing each other after years separated. 

At midnight, they kissed like two hormonal teenagers discovering the pleasure of sex. Poe’s hands lost themselves in Kylo’s hair and pulled on it. He moaned hungrily. Kylo’s hands pressed Poe’s arse and the young man whined in the mouth of his partner. A messy battle of tongues, moans and saliva. And if their kiss session ended at 00:10, they agreed to keep it for themselves. 

Poe helped Phasma and Kylo to clean a little bit the flat when everybody left. He discovered why Kylo was so fond of his best friend. Before Poe left, letting Hux snoring loudly on the couch, dead drunk, Phasma invited him for next year and with a look for Kylo, he accepted. 

Walking home, Poe tried to reason his heart. He wasn’t yet ready for another relationship. And even if Kylo was great, he knew nothing about him more substantial than being scared of going swimming into the sea thanks to  _ Jaws _ . Kylo was only an idea for the moment. A hope for the future. A promise. And a damn good way to go through the year.    
  


* * *

 

Poe had been excited all the day. More accurately, he had been excited for the last two weeks, knowing that the New Year’s Eve celebration was coming and he was finally going to see Kylo again. It was a strange thing between them, barely knowing each other, having just a new by year for them. It was kinda romantic and Poe was loving it. For the moment, it was enough for him. He was still trying to recover from his last and only relationship. The idea of dating again hadn’t even yet gone through his mind. But he knew that when he would be ready, he hoped that Kylo would be agree to go on a date with him. 

But maybe Poe was though ready to feel sexual desire again. And maybe he remembered Kylo’s hungry eyes on him. And maybe he already touched himself at this memory. And maybe he chose his outfit tonight to have Kylo’s eyes unable to tear themselves from him. Maybe Poe was selfish, asking too much to Kylo without being ready to give him something back. But Kylo never asked him something and Poe was too afraid for things to change now. 

The man rang to Phasma’s doorbell and the host of the party opened the door, with Hux’s arm around her waist and Poe smiled happily to see things evolved in the year for these two. They were a strange couple but they fit together actually. Poe was greeting them with a grin when he saw something above Hux’s shoulders. Something which made him froze. 

 

In the middle of the living room, in the middle of the noisy crowd, was Kylo, asocial Kylo, grumpy Kylo, _ his _ Kylo, smiling and laughing like he never did with Poe, making a young beautiful girl with short black hair dancing with him. Poe had a flashback of three years ago, seeing Anton with his tongue in this ginger girl’s throat. And the betrayal felt nothing compared to what he was feeling at this right moment. The young man felt tears prickling in his eyes and he knew he didn’t have the right to feel like that and yet, he felt like his heart was breaking again, harder than before. 

Phasma was following his glance and before he could make an excuse and flee, she grabbed her wrist, making him walking through the crowd before Poe could stop her. 

 

“Phasma!” exclaimed Poe, wanting to run away. “Let me go!” he whispered, panicked when he saw Kylo and this girl getting closer.

“No!” answered in a stern voice his host. “I know what you’re thinking. And you will leave. You will be miserable. Kylo will be miserable and I love my best friend but Kylo angry is insufferable so believe me, you will thank me later!” she explained before shoving him into the crowd front of them.

 

Poe tripped on his feet before two arms hold him back. When he looked up, it was Kylo’s arms around him and the man, shaved this time and as beautiful as the first time Poe saw him, looking at him before a huge grin broke his lips. Poe couldn’t help. Even if his heart was breaking, even if he wanted to be angry to Kylo, he couldn’t. Not when he was smiling to him like that. Not when he was making Poe feeling like he was the most important person in the world. Kylo put him back onto his feet and Poe felt nervous, trying to not look at the girl so close to his friend. 

 

“Poe!” whispered Kylo and the young man felt like an hot wave was rolling on him. 

“Hi!” whispered back sadly Poe. 

 

Kylo frowned before he took Poe in his arms, like he did the first year but without awkwardness or hesitation, burying the young man in his warm embrace and he cuddled deeper in this chest, enjoying the feeling for as long as he could before his dream finally ended. Poe clung on Kylo’s shoulders and he shivered when the man buried his nose in his neck. 

 

“Are you alright?” asked Kylo against his skin and Poe tried so hard to not cry.

“I am now.” whispered the young man. 

“Is this Anton?” asked Kylo, worried, taking a step away to look at Poe. “My proposition of kicking his arse is still up.” he added and Poe smiled softly.

“Anton is definitely out of my life.” answered Poe and Kylo’s lips broke in a huge grin. 

“Good! Now, let me to present you this girl.” smiled Kylo, putting his arm around the lady’s shoulders. “Paige! I present you Poe, my New Year’s Eve mate.” 

 

The young girl looked at him with piercing eyes before smirking softly and offering her hand to Poe. Poe took it, unwillingly. 

 

“Poe! I present you Paige, my childhood best friend!” added Kylo and Poe’s brain switched off for few seconds. 

 

His...childhood best friend. His friend. Just friend. Not girlfriend. Poe let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding before he felt so euphoric that he couldn’t hold back his laugh, to Kylo’s confusion. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” asked the young man and Poe threw him a huge grin and Kylo looked awestruck by it for a second before smiling brightly in return.

“I’m really happy to meet you Paige.” said Poe, with a smile for the young woman.

“I bet.” smirked the girl and Poe knew that she knew what he felt for Kylo. 

 

Poe blushed but when he looked up, Kylo was distracted by Phasma and Hux joining them and he felt relieved. Paige offered him a wink before making a sign that she would say nothing and Poe felt grateful, feeling like it was just a matter of few minutes before he appreciated her. 

 

They didn’t spent the night like the other years, alone on the balcony. No! This year, they spent the night sitting on the couch, Poe cuddling into Kylo’s flank, Kylo’s arm around him, listening to Phasma and Paige trying to find the most embarrassing story about Kylo and Poe almost didn’t miss their balcony. He was surrounded by people loving Kylo like him, by people loved by Kylo and he was a part of it and he felt closer to him. They still managed to pay a visit to their favourite spot when midnight rang and their kiss felt domestic and family and the happiness he could taste on Kylo’s lips made Poe high and confidant.

 

As New Year’s resolution, Poe decided that he would be soon ready to date again. 

 

* * *

 

Seeing Kylo with Paige last year and the fear he felt convinced Poe that this year would be the year he would finally ask for Kylo to go on a date with him. He spent the day rehearsing his speech with Jessika, the young woman was invited to the party for this year and she was impatient to meet the boy Poe wasn’t stopping to talk about in the last months. Poe was so nervous to be rejected that he tried to find excuses to delay their departure for the party and Jessika got fed up and dragged him into her car before driving them to Phasma’s flat. 

When they arrived, pretty late, the party was already advanced and Phasma didn’t see them coming in. Poe looked around, trying to spot Kylo but he could only saw Phasma and Paige talking in the kitchen, looking in a serious conversation. Poe wondered what happened. He wanted to join them to present them Jessika but his best friend pushed him towards the balcony, fed up with all his insecurities. 

 

“I will present myself. I’m a big girl.” grumbled the young lady. “If I hear one more time that you’re sure he will reject you, I will stab you Poe!” said seriously his friend, her piercing eyes ordering to Poe to join Kylo, probably already waiting for him on their balcony. 

 

Poe nodded, knowing that he shouldn’t cross Jessika and he stepped outside, feeling his stomach twisting with anxiety. He couldn’t help the emptiness filling his whole body when he saw that Kylo wasn’t waiting for him, leaning on the fence like usually. Poe wondered where Kylo was and he tried to calm down his brains screaming to him that it was too late and that Kylo was spending the New year’s Eve with his new lover. Someone who wasn’t Poe. 

 

“Kylo?” called Poe, looking around but nobody answered to him. 

 

Then, he spotted him. The young man was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, probably like the first year before Poe interrupted him. His head was buried between his two legs, a glass of alcohol in his left hand, a cigarette between the fingers of his right hand. There was like a darkness around him and since the first time he met Kylo, Poe felt uncomfortable in his presence. 

Carefully, the young man kneeled at his side but Kylo didn’t look at him, like Poe wasn’t existing and Poe tried to not take it personally. There was something weird and Poe doubted he was the cause of it. After all, all Kylo’s life wasn’t revolving around Poe’. 

 

“I thought you left smoking.” whispered Poe. 

“Oh yeah?” grumbled Kylo, rudely and he finally looked up at Poe. 

 

Poe felt awestruck when he saw Kylo’s face. There...it wasn’t the Kylo he was remembering. The one with his cheeky smile and mischievous eyes. This Kylo was looking like a ghost. There were dark circles under his eyes, his eyes were red and dark at the same time and looking at Poe with so much anger that the young man shook. He looked with defiance at Poe, taking a long drag of his cigarette and Poe tried to remember that it was Kylo there, even if this man looked nothing like the man Poe fell in love with. 

 

“What happens?” asked Poe, trying to shake off his discomfort and slightly fear. 

“That’s not your fucking business.” groaned the other man and Poe could smell the alcohol in his breath. 

 

How long was it since Kylo was there alone, brooding in the dark? Drinking alcohol and smoking cigarette after cigarette? What Paige and Phasma were doing before he came? Poe tried to not focus on his own anger. Kylo was the one in need of help. It was his turn to help him. Like Kylo did for him four years ago. Poe took a deep breath and looked back at Kylo, who was taking a new drag on his cigarette. 

 

“What happened?” asked again Poe, grabbing Kylo’s cigarette away from his lips.

“What do you fucking care?” screamed Kylo, his dark eyes throwing daggers to Poe but the young man held on.

“Because I love you.” he answered, softly, surprising himself at how easily it got out when he had struggled with this confession all afternoon front of his mirror and Jessika. 

 

Kylo’s whole body went stiff and Poe waited for a reaction, his heart beating hard against his ribcage but he held still. Then, he saw the tears forming in Kylo’s eyes before it rolled on Kylo’s cheeks when the man was still not moving. 

 

“My father almost died.” whispered suddenly Kylo and Poe was speechless. “My father almost died and I wasn’t there. My father almost died and I could do nothing.” admitted Kylo, becoming frantic while his whole body was shaking with shock, like only now he was realizing what truly happened. 

 

Poe took him in his arms and the young man collapsed against him, not yet sobbing but his address becoming louder, more frantic, his breath hitching with sobs and hiccup and Poe tried to calm him down while Kylo was clinging himself to Poe’s body, his head on Poe’s shoulder. 

 

“I fucking love my dad. I love him.” finally sobbed Kylo and Poe understood nothing except that Kylo was suffering and Poe felt hot tears in his own eyes, feeling lost to see this strong man crying like a little child, fearing to lose his father. He didn’t know how to help him. So he stayed like that, rocking Kylo, whispering nonsense in his ear, stroking softly his hair and praying for a man he didn’t know to stay alive. 

Hours later, or maybe just some minutes, Phasma appeared on the balcony, with Jessika and Paige behind her, three of them looking worried at the two men, especially Kylo, now asleep against Poe’s body. Without a word, their guest put a blanket on them before disappearing with a last caress for Kylo’s forehead. When Poe looked up at Paige, ready to ask her what happened, the young girl denied with a move of her head. It wasn’t her story to tell. Kylo would tell him when he wanted to. If he wanted to. 

 

Kylo didn’t wake up when midnight rang. He didn’t wake up when everybody left. He woke up when Poe was asleep. When Poe woke up at his turn, he blinked to see his friend standing at the fence of the balcony, facing the morning sun. Poe felt a shiver going through his body and he stood up before joining Kylo, wrapping the blanket around their both bodies, sticking his chest against Kylo’s back and the young man entwined their fingers with some hesitation.

 

“I’m sorry for whatever I could have made or said last night.” whispered Kylo.

“That’s okay.” answered Poe, putting his chin on Kylo’s shoulder. “Can you explain it to me?” asked softly Poe, making sure that Kylo knew he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to. 

 

Kylo nodded, closed his eyes, took a deep breath and without looking a single time to Poe, he told him the whole story. How he left his family when he was a teen, how he didn’t see them for the last seven years. How he was still loving his dad and missing him so much. How he was hoping to fix the gap between them but how he didn’t know how to do that. How losing his father, the simple idea to have his dad not being existing anymore what the most terrifying thing he faced in his whole life. How he wanted to so much to see him again. And how he didn’t want to see him because he didn’t want this time to be their last. He told all his fears to Poe and Poe listened without interrupting. 

When Kylo stopped to talk, Poe made him turning in his arms. His thumbs brushed off the tears of his cheeks and Poe went on his tiptoes, resting his lips against Kylo’s, trying to take away a little bit of his fear, his pain, his sadness. It probably didn’t work but when Kylo asked for another kiss, Poe gave him. 

 

One hour later, after Poe helped Kylo to wash his face, after they woke up Jessika and Paige, sleeping on the couch, and asked Poe’s best friend to drive them somewhere, Poe pressed Kylo’s hand with a small smile before he turned away, Paige’s hand having take place Poe’s hand place and the two old friends entering in the hospital, while Poe was accepting Jessika’s hug. 

It wasn’t time for them. For Kylo and him. It wasn’t their time. Kylo had a lot of things to work on. A lot of things to fix. And after that, maybe after that, he would have a place for Poe in his life. Poe hoped. He was ready to wait. One more year. It was nothing. 

 

* * *

 

Poe finally arrived front of Phasma’s (and now Hux’s) flat, out of breath. He could hear the music blasting loudly through the windows and he knew that Jessika was already there with Paige, the young woman harassing him with texts to know when he was finally coming. Poe looked up, looking at the balcony. It was empty. Poe wondered if Kylo was there, if he would come. Maybe he hadn’t have enough time. Maybe he chose to have a new live, forgetting them, forgetting him. 

Poe swallowed back his insecurities. He couldn’t doubt. It was time to be hopeful. The last four years bring him amazing new things and he was happier that he never had been before. There was no reason this year would be different. He just needed to have a little faith. In himself. And in Kylo. Poe took a deep breath, ready to enter in the building, ready to face his destiny. 

 

“Poe?” called a deep voice that he could now recognize in a singing crowd. 

 

Poe felt his heart missing a beat and he slowly turned around. Poe sighed with pleasure to see this face he missed so much in the last twelve months. It was like being home after a too long trip. Kylo was here. Poe was here. They were facing each other and Poe felt his heart going faster, his blood pulsing harder in his veins, the memories of these feelings being nothing like the true thing. Poe was coming back to life after a long sleep. 

 

“Kylo.” sighed Poe, his body screaming to run into his arms. 

 

They walked towards each other before stopping, few inches to each other. Kylo cut his hair, now Poe could see his ears appearing. It was slightly disturbing after months of fantasies to have his hands running his long dark hair but Poe was loving this new haircut. It was still Kylo. And at the same time, not the same man. But in a more comfortable way than the last time Poe thought that. 

 

“You look different.” blurted out Poe.

“I am.” smiled shyly Kylo and Poe’s fingers tingled with the need to lose themselves on Kylo’s face, like to register the new wrinkles which appeared and the ones which disappeared. 

“You’re looking peaceful.” whispered Poe, his fingers brushing against Kylo’s hand.

“I’m feeling better.” whispered back the young man, taking Poe’s hand in his and the man didn’t lost time to entwine their fingers. 

“How is your father ?” asked Poe and a happy smile took place on lips.

“Fine. He is fine.” said Kylo and there was a weird awkward silence between them, like they were almost strangers and Poe hated that. 

“We...we should go inside.” said the young man, trying to cut the awkward tension between them.

“Actually.” breathed out Kylo. “I...I wondered if you would agree to share a coffee with me?” asked nervously Kylo.

“Now?” blurted out Poe. 

“I waited for this moment for the last five years and I can’t stand to wait a minute more.” admitted Kylo and Poe looked at him with surprise.

“Is that a date?” asked shyly Poe.

“That’s usually what people do after one of them confessed their feelings.” smirked Kylo and Poe blushed. “Unless...unless your feelings for me changed?” said the young man, anxious.

“No!” screamed Poe, pressing harder Kylo’s hand. “Not in the slightest.” he breathed out. “I want to go to this date with you.” whispered Poe.

“Good.” whispered back Kylo, his nose brushing against Poe’s.

 

Both shared a smile and Poe was feeling dizzy, but in good way. What he was hoping for the last two years finally happened. And he had nothing to do with it. Jessika would probably love it once she will hear about that. Poe slightly chuckled. 

 

“What?” asked Kylo, confused.

“Nothing.” answered Poe. He loved Jessika but it was their time. “And you know, you were wrong.”

“About what?” asked Kylo, cautiously. 

“What people do after one of them confessed their feelings.” said Poe, a teasing smile on his lips, trying to hide his desire to hear that Kylo had the same feelings.

“What do they do so?” asked Kylo, teasing Poe in return, beginning to understand where he was wrong.

“They say it back.” whispered Poe, his lips brushing against Kylo. 

“Really?” chuckled Kylo and Poe nodded. 

 

Kylo slid his arms around Poe’s waist and pressed him against his chest. 

 

“Poe!’ whispered Kylo. “I love you.” he added, his voice deepening with emotion and Poe shivered in his arms.

“I love you too Kylo!” whispered back Poe, ready to kiss him.

“My real name is Ben.” blurted out Kylo and Poe looked up at him with surprise.

“Which one do you prefer?” asked Poe after few seconds of thoughts.

“Don’t know.” mumbled shyly Kylo, looking away. 

“What about  _ my beloved _ ?” whispered Poe after he took Kylo’s chin in his hand to make him looking back at him.

“I like it.” smiled adorably the young man.

“I love you my beloved.” breathed out Poe and when they lips finally touched, they sighed with pleasure. 

  
This kiss tasted like no other one. There was no excuse for it. No need for comfort. No banter. No New Year’s Eve celebration. It was a kiss just because they could, just because they wanted to. It was a kiss which took them five years. It was a kiss for the next thirty years of their life. At least, they hoped so. It was a kiss. It was  _ their _ kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: @midgardiannerd


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